things to think about

today, briefly, i am thinking about: fatshion again
November 15, 2009, 8:30 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

So i am sitting on st. mark’s place waiting for my friend and i am watching the parade: nyu, nyu, punk, square, nyu, neighborhood, tourist, tourist, impeccable faggot with round glasses and a beret and pointy-toe sneakers, tourist, punk.

and so far i have only seen 2 fat people, and they looked – at first – so much more poorly dressed to me. She was in black exercise pants that were too short, and a tank top layered under a purple shirt. Black sneakers, unexciting. he was wearing a flannel shirt and normal cut too-light jeans and i didn’t think to look at his shoes because i was too busy judging, one, and realizing i was judging, two.

I include myself when i say: why do i hold fat people to such a high standard of appearance? because i am watching the people and for every nyu fashionista there are plenty of sloppy students wearing exactly what those kids were wearing. and i can totally pick – “but her pants! but his jeans!” – but i’m obfuscating.

bc i am facing lately my own intense fatphobia. i am facing the standards i hold myself to and how ridiculous they are. no one looks perfect all the time, and no one should have to, and frankly it’s funny to me that an outfit that would look sloppy-chic on a skinny person instead looks sloppy, to me, on a fat one.

i am lucky to run in a world with many paragons of fatshion crossing through it. i am lucky to live in a world where i know i am bringing the garbage and that my pov is actually not correct at all. i can tell myself i just want to run after her and be like “hey! You should find pants that are long enough! Cuter sneakers!” because i love fashion, but let’s be real, in a liberated world it wouldn’t even matter if she was so sloppy or not.

i am thinking abt this in relation to gender presentation, too; in relation to how some people don’t care about fashion. How i need to learn those are valid choices too, not to judge, just to accept and let people be. Some genders aren’t on the same axes as mine; some people don’t care about pocket squares. I am neurotic abt fashion details in part bc of my own fatphobia; in part bc i just like it. Not everyone cares so much, and that’s fine – even healthy – it just challenges my own ability to be accepting. That’s on me, not the people who pass me. Sometimes – at least, they tell me – it’s ok to just put on some yoga pants and get on with your life.