things to think about

Today, briefly, i am thinking about: selling out
June 3, 2010, 9:10 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Today i read this post on Jezebel – i can’t link to it now, i’m on my phone, google it – memorializing reality bites. That movie from the 90s, with winona ryder and ethan hawke. The whole thing is worth reading but one line in particular hit me: the line about selling out, about how the whole movie is about that struggle, the fight between comfort and ideals.

It has been so long since i worried about this. I have been too busy working to think about my process. All i want right now is a way to quit my day job so i can put more time into creative projects. I am applying for things here and there but it’s hard. I am off a massive triumph, the artist is absent show (, did i really not mention it here at any point?), and writing a show for the hot!fest @ dixon place. I am in a place of real careerism.

Is that what we call selling out these days? Building a career? I am trying as hard as I can to stay true to my ideals, ideals which uncomfortably(?) leave a lot of room for monetization and being aggressive and applying for things and making a website. I don’t necessarily hate that art and capitalism are all up in each other. I wish i did. But i think i realized a long time ago that i grew up too financially unstable to hate money. is that selling out?

I feel like that question is so dated. Maybe we all sold out. Maybe my generation grew up without such lofty ideals and we are more pragmatic. Feeling like this feels gross, though. It feels like a cop-out, like i am everything i secretly worry i am. Ugh.

Thoughts? I’ll have to write more on this later.