things to think about

today i am thinking about: coming out
October 11, 2010, 3:50 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Here’s the thing: you don’t walk the road alone, but you have to walk it yourself. You are the only person who can save yourself. Other people will make it easier or harder, and will try to convince you that you are worth saving, but you will not save yourself until you actually believe in your own worth.

It is about learning that you are your own best ally. It is about learning that you are important, that your dreams are important, and — this part is so essential — the people you need are the people who love you for exactly what and who you are.

You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved, and that means no one can save you unless you want to be saved. You have to believe in yourself as a beautiful, full person, as a beautiful, full truth. I know this sounds like hippie shit but I mean it. Call it something more punk rock if you’d like. But no one can fix you except you, at the core of it. People can feed you, sure, but they can’t fix you. Only you can fix yourself.

And part of that – the key part of that – is owning the messy complexities you inhabit. It is not just coming out as a homosexual. It is about owning all of the parts of you that maybe you think people will hate you for if you disclose. It is about owning that which makes you you — your quirks, your foibles, your weird shit and annoying habits.

I try very hard to remind myself that, as long as I am honest, people can disagree with me but they can’t control me. I try very hard to remind myself that it is better to say the hard truth than the easy lie. I try very hard to remind myself that all of the times that someone punished me for being honest, at least I had my own integrity. Sometimes that works; usually it’s still pretty cold comfort. People can be assholes. But at least I have my own sense of self intact.

It is hard as shit to say the thing you know could ruin everything. It is hard to have that much faith in your own gut feelings and your own two feet on the ground. But sooner or later, the truth comes out; sooner or later, you will have to face all of your old demons. You can embrace them, or you can run from them, but they’re still yours and they will catch up to you.

Enough of this woo shit. It’s National Coming Out Day. I just hope we are all brave enough to hold our space over the next year and gracious enough to help each other walk down our own roads. We are all worth it.