things to think about


today i am thinking about: GRATITUDE DAY 1
December 1, 2010, 12:54 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

My friend Jess on LJ is doing this thing about gratitude – one thing she is grateful for a day. I love it. So I am going to do it too, both on my LJ (blast from the past!) but here, too. I like being public about this stuff and I think it will challenge me to be honest in public rather just in private space. So I will repost here.

a nerdy gay wearing a bow tie and big fake glasses talks into a microphone. Today i am grateful for: MY FAKE PLASTIC GLASSES.
So the World Famous *BOB* says that she had to become a drag queen to learn how to be a woman. That is how I feel only it’s something else, like I had to learn how to be an awkward nerdy boy to learn how to be a woman. Which is to say that these days I am getting questioning looks or rude comments in the bathroom way more than ever before. But it is also to say that I feel so awkward about that sometimes. My mom was always like IT’S OK IF YOU’RE GAY (well, that wasn’t really true) BUT JUST DON’T BE A BUTCH GAY. At any rate, whatever, my presentation is what it is, it’s a hoot, but I discovered something that makes it all feel good AND THAT SOMETHING, MY FRIENDS, IS FAKE GLASSES.

I wear them constantly. I am addicted to them. They make me feel like myself in a way nothing else ever has. They are just 3-D glasses that I cut the lens out of and hide the logo with a little black electrical tape. Usually people do not even realize they are fake at first – or rather, that they have no lenses, because as I say – they’re real! They’re just not medical.

And this totally free object has made it easier for me to feel like myself than anything else I own. ANYTHING. ELSE. I. OWN. Sure I can buy clothes or whatever, sure I have nice things, but somehow these ridiculous fake glasses make me feel at home in myself. In my body. They make outfits look like me. They make me funny, and nerdy, and stylish like a hipster. They’re like a little rebellious nonsense statement. I mean, today I had my crotch examined by the doctor, and I kept on my fake glasses. Just because.

I am grateful for that. I am grateful for feeling like myself. I am grateful that I put them on and any outfit looks finished. I am grateful that I can wear them at work and feel less out of my body and weird. I am grateful for a lot of other things, but these stupid plastic glasses are basically my favorite things in the world and if I lose a pair I just go to a movie theater and ask for a new one. I have different pairs for different occasions, and I don’t feel like such a freak, or maybe the correct answer is that I feel good being the freak that I am.

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